Spoonful of Sugah

Rears It’s Ugly Head??? 

Hey Jealousy…..Jealousy….. (What’s that song about anyway?)

It’s that ugly green monster or as we call it in our house, Mr. Green.  It’s ugly, so very ugly.  How do you deal with it when Mr. Green comes knocking on your door?  Do you invite him in for tea?  Do you close the blinds and pretend you’re not home?  Do you run out of the house, screaming at Mr. Green in a rage of anger?

Tonight Mr. Green got the best of me.  He came knocking when i was not expecting him and he left splashes of ugly green ink all over my white walls.  It was such a good day and i let him get the best of me. 

This deployment is so much harder than I imagined it would be.  I know, I’ve said this before.  I hate the word deployment.  What’s with the “ployment” words anyway?  Unemployment for instance??? Unemployment = no job.  Deployment = no soldier.  What’s this all about?  I find myself saying ugly things that I don’t mean so that I can protect myself.  I just keep asking myself how I’m gonna get through this next year.

 I’m thankful for the friends who take the time to listen and understand.  You know who you are.  Thank you.  For tonight,  YOU are my spoonful.

I haven’t visited here in awhile.  Things are just a bit too overwhelming right now.  I’m experiencing first hand what it’s like to have the person I love most in this world away for a year of deployment overseas. 

I knew it was coming and I thought I was prepared.  I understood what it meant in theory.  I understood that physically we’d be away from eachother for a year’s worth of time.  I understood that we’d miss eachother.  I understood that it would be difficult at times but that we’d make it through.  I understood that the time away might even make our relationship stronger.   I honestly had no idea how difficult this year of our life would be.

We are very fortunate that we get to speak on the phone daily.   During these conversations I try really hard to hide the pain and worry from him.  (I’m not always good at it, but I try really hard) After all, he’s working 24/7 in a third world country day in and day out so that WE (You, yes YOU!, me, my family, your family and all of our neighbors in between) can live our safe and nestled lives here in the USA.   He gets up early each morning, says his prayers, puts on that beige & green camouflage uniform, and begins his day by eating in the same kitchen which a dozen rats (yes, those lovely large rodents with the really long tails) ramsacked throughout the night.   One of the main things I hear him voice over and over is how he really hopes he’s making a difference.  He CARES about the things he’s doing and the impact that he is making.

 So, I ask myself, “What in the world do I have to complain about????”  How can I sit here in my little suburban town with a nice roof over my head and plenty of food in my clean kitchen and complain about all that I am missing? 

I’m not here to gripe, and I’m certainly not here to share all the private details of my relationship with the world (or the 5 people that read my blog!), but I do need to remind those who read my blog to take the time to remember those who serve and why they are serving.  Try to remember that aside from all of the talk in politics and the debate on whether or not we should be at WAR, there are men and women right this very moment fighting for their very lives so that we can sit around and argue over who is the best candidate.  These men and women BELIEVE in what they are fighting to protect and they are doing this for US.  The families of these men and women SACRIFICE every single moment that they don’t get to share with those whom they love.  The next time you want to scream out to the world about what is and what is not worthwhile, just please remember that the woman or man standing next to you may have recently lost a loved one, or may be missing a loved one like crazy, to this cause that you find so unworthy.